Troubles in a 5 year old’s life and Mum’s Dilemma-Day 13

Yes,you read that right! 5 year olds can have troubles too.:)
There is a friendship gone bad..and that means war. There is a girl,lets call her B.So B and A(Aadi) used to be friends..and something happened.Another girl C,pushed A and B sided with C,upsetting A and ending the friendship. Now,everyday,A comes home with a story of how B,tried to blame her for something that she didn’t do or how B,turned the other girls against her.Today I was going to have a word with the teacher..but,she was away.I am torn,between saying something or letting the kids sort it out. There’s hardly a week left of school but these girls could be in the same class next year..I can’t make up my mind.
Yesterday she was the most upset that I’ve seen her.She was playing with her sister and then stopped to say..”I don’t know why we have to be in the same class..She is always so mean to me..” And this is my give-a-damn child.She has friends that she is very close too but when someone is being nasty towards her,she literally doesnt have the time for them! And the fact that its bothering her,means it is something more.
A week back,we were writing Christmas cards and she didn’t want to write a card for B and C and I convinced her that she should give them a card,because if she gave a card to everyone else,and not them,it won’t be kind. And she grudgingly wrote their names. But after yesterday,she plain refuses to give it.When I used the kind line again,she told me,”well she didn’t give me one..she didn’t care enough to save a lolly for me..so why should I?” Apparently,B told her that she didn’t have any lollies left..so didn’t give a card to her!
So do I teach her that ‘follow your heart and don’t worry about anything else’ OR ‘Keep everyone happy even if it makes you unhappy’
And then today another friend D,who really really loves her..you can see the joy on her face,when she sees A,handed out cards and left her out,because ‘her mom didn’t know how to write her name’…I wasn’t sure about D’s (name)spelling,so we left a card for her and was going to check with the teacher/her mum and because I hadn’t had a chance of doing that,we were not handing out cards. So,today A said quite nonchalantly D didn’t give me a card because her mum didn’t know how to spell my name..so I guess,we can hand out my cards,its ok,if you don’t know her name..again..what do I teach her-‘follow your heart and don’t worry about anything else’ OR ‘Keep everyone happy even if it makes you unhappy’ ??
You know what’s part of the problem?And its not even her problem.The problem is,that I have always been a ‘Keep everyone happy even if it makes you unhappy’ person and I have had my heart broken a lot of time,because of that.I don’t want her to end up like me.. giving so freely to the ones dear to me..not even realizing when they were trampling all over you..I have seen her heart breaking like mine too..when friends/relatives have moved away suddenly or when her parents’ friendships changed dynamics.So,then,what she is doing is the right thing,isn’t it?
SD said ‘let her make up her mind..let her decide,its her friends and she knows them better’…and I asked(and I worry) what if she grows into an uncaring person..SD just laughed and said,I was over-analyzing..May be I am..may be I am not..?
But,then the more I think,more I notice things..things like her waking up crying,because she is missing her friends who have gone overseas for a long vacation,things like she remembers and talks about people she met,when she was just 4.
Or like today,when I was busy running around,getting her lunch packed and SD was lying around in our camp-out living room bed.He called out to me and said,I want a cuddle.I said no I am busy..and Aadi asked me,’what does Papa want?’ When I said he wants a cuddle,she got up,put her milk cup away and gave him a cuddle..Both SD and I went ‘Awww’ and I felt my eyes prickle…and then there was that moment,when Nanhi was crying for the iPad,even before SD or I could pick her up,Aadi,gave her a hug and said,calm down Ananya…you can see it in 5 minutes,when the iPad is charged..did you say Awww..?I knowwwwwwwwww!!
Oh well,may be she will turn out alright..the signs are all there:) But,at least she won’t end up like her mom:)
sigh!Parenting is a tough gig!!

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13 Responses to Troubles in a 5 year old’s life and Mum’s Dilemma-Day 13

  1. uma says:

    aww..I can so feel aadi’s pain…these things happen..kids can be quite cruel at times..I’ve been at the receiving end and can understand when you say that you do not want her to end up like you..but I guess the best thing will be to assure her that she’ll find good friends eventually in life who’ll respect and value her for what she is..at 5 years, friendship is rather too fickle and complex to be understood..she’ll find a way out..don’t worry..

    • Trish says:

      Hey Uma..thanks for writing…Everything you say is true..its just hard when you child is upset.I only worry that this shouldn’t spill over into next year.

  2. I think its a phase. Quite a hard one. I had a hurt heart when I was in Second grade. I still remember. The scene still stands fresh in my mind and along with the rain I cried my heart out so that nobody would see me crying. We learn. We grow. We’ll find our way.
    I am sure your girl will work it out. Stay with her and help her embrace her feelings.

  3. Aparna says:

    Trish, I think you already know the answer to this :). We, as parents tend to really overanalyze stuff, I used go through something similar nearly every time my daughter has a “I’m never talking to her again!” fight with her good friend, and used to tell her to be “nice” to her and so on. But exactly as you’ve pointed out, we (as adults) have at last understood the effects of being “too nice” !! So they’ll figure it out, don’t worry!!

  4. chatkhor says:

    hehee… i totally know what u say.. saloni fights with that best fren coz she didnt sit on the chair when she was continuously asked to ! 😀 silly but pure love they share.. such silly fights just strengthen it…

  5. chipmunk says:

    it happens dear, leave her in the way which she likes to move, but keep in check that she is doing the right thing!!!! she s a very good sister eh 🙂 🙂 I never do things like this to my sister nor she does these things to me 🙂 🙂 kisses for two kitties 🙂 🙂

  6. Simran says:

    Awww this is so sad…. but it will pass. And I agree it is upsetting when kids get hurt and it’s tough teaching them complicated relationship dynamics. I would say let her know you are there for her and then let her choose what she wants to do but do explain that there might be consequences to her actions including some that she might not like. Let her decide for herself. With the foundation that you are laying, I am sure she will turn out just fine! So don’t worry too much about long term impact! Big hug to you, mommyhood is tough!!

    • Trish says:

      Yes,thats the way that I going now.. but there is so much more going on..I’ll post an update soon..
      And big hug back at ya!

  7. Jazz says:

    Oh dear, I think SD is right, I hope she will sort it fine and be happy. Ofcourse you both are there to guide her on the right path.

    And the last lines are really Awww material. 🙂

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